From a Lesser Authority...

My mission to make known everything there is to know about every player on the U.S. World Cup team has not distracted me from paying attention to the goings-on of the footballing universe. So yes, I may have missed a few things along the way, and I may have aggregiously overestimated Juventus' superiority over AC Milan, but I soldier on, because life on 116th street is nothing if not struggle. Let the footballing begin...

Has Sven-Goran Eriksson really turned into Pookie from New Jack City? Is the selection of a 17-year-old, with no Premier League experience (or driver's license, for that matter), for the World Cup a sure sign of insanity? Has Sven really been replaced by a doppelganger? I think not. While the press in England freaks out over Sven's selection of Theo Walcott, I must stop to ask one simple question: have you watched any of England's strikers lately?
Anyone who thinks Jermain Defoe is going to light it up in Berlin, when he can barely get one against Birmingham, Bolton or Blackburn, is on some serious crack rock. And sure, everyone seems to like Darren Bent, but there's a guy over here, who I am not going to mention by name (his initials are T.T.), who he reminds me an awful lot of. If Michael Owen doesn't make it back healthy, do the English really think they would be any better off with a strike force of Defoe and Peter Crouch? We here on 116th street support Sven's decision: if Walcott is as good as everyone says he is, it will be a plus; if not, who is really that much better of an option?

As for Juventus, whose director general, Luciano Moggi, has been caught in a scandal involving secret dealings with both the Italian referees' association and the UEFA referees' commission, all I will say is this: if the allegations are true, how in the world did you allow your lead in the scudetto race to drop from ten points to three in less than a month? Did you eat at the same hotel as the Tottenham players? Were you worn out from chasing Cesc Fabregas around? Talk about earning your nicknames...

To Major League Soccer, who saw their stadium deal with Salt Lake City flop earlier this week, and can't seem to get anything going with the Wizards, all I can say is cheer up. Although sometimes you get what you ask for, and dealing with small-time locales such as Salt Lake City and Kansas City will guarantee you everything besides "major league" treatment, at least now you now not to trailblaze into desperate cities with no clue of how big-time entertainment operations work. Of course they want you to come to their city, of course they want to be seen as progressive, but don't be surprised when they flee at the first indicators of risk. That is the essence of the small-time mentality. If you truly want to be Major League, go for more Torontos, Philadelphias and Houstons, and fewer Salt Lakes, Kansas Cities and Columbuses.

Oh yeah, one more thing concerning Walcott: Theo, it's time for you to start saying no to a few of those photo shoots and interview requests. This is the World Cup you're getting ready for now, not a shirt unveiling, followed by a Saturday afternoon tilt with Leeds (that applies to you too, LanDo). That's all I'm saying...